WTF and/or FAQ
Um yeah… ok… like uh huh… sure… yup…
WTF!?
So I didn’t want to be left out of the let’s pretend we’re uber stars of our micro world so I made this fake lifestream site. If I were cool geek abled, I’d have put better widgets or used proper wordpress plugins like @stephdau or @digibomb but I just wanted to prove I could wordpress too! Not really. I just totally got bored, had other things more pressing to do and thought, hmm…. I know someone who could use something like this but he might not believe I can walk the talk so TADA! You know who you are… but if you’re stalking me, I’m not talking to you-You-YOU. You know? No, you wouldn’t know, you’re a stalker.
It’s also a little of me being lazy and not making a proper site for myself.
FAQ
Q: Do you blog?
A: No! I microblog. Ok. I twitter because I don’t identi.ca or friendfeed, nor do I “what are you doing now?” status update on facebook nor do I import/export all my statuses to all social media platforms.
Q: I thought you were lazy. So why don’t you just dump and shoot.
A: I am so lazy, I’m efficient. But seriously, facebook people couldn’t care less if I found a new awesome hello kitty toaster. Ok, they might. But the twitters might not want me to talking to my friends about their kids poopy schedule. Ok, they might. Ok. I know for sure, twitters and facebookers don’t want me injecting all 14 000 songs I’ve blipped. I know, that’s a lot of music. I need therapy. I’m better now. People scare me so I blip less.
Q: Damn, you digress. What is lifestreaming?
A: Enabling stalkers to chart all your onlines moves in one easy place disguised as a personal site.
Q: Shut up! That’s not what the wikipedia says.
A: No, you shut up! That’s not a question.
Q: Who made you an expert, Ms. La-Di-Da-Doo-Doo?
A: Cool. Thanks for calling me an expert but I’m not. I use stuff. I pay attention sometimes. Mostly not. I used to be better when I was younger but now I have A.D.D. or as I like to call it, the internet. Oh wait! You were being sarcastic about the wiki thing. So sawry! Kinda sorta not.
Q: You’re such a loser. You don’t even digg or reddit or stumble upon or mashable or all that other stuff. You’re a poser!
A: Woah. Congrats. You’ve got a lot time on your hands. I wish I could be as time endowed as you are. I used to bookmark but then I’d forget what I was looking for anyways and just go through crazy lists of bookmarks to find 1 link. It’s so much easier to “google” the thing I’m looking for at the moment I need it. 95% of the time, I’ve booked marked something, I haven’t gone back to read it or look for it. And most importantly, there’s so much crap out there to do online, I’m focusing on a few things and doing it half assed as opposed to doing everything badly.
Q: Who are you and you talk funny. I thought you were a photographer.
A: Hmm… that’s a loaded question. I suppose I am a picture taker. Before taking pictures, I went to art school and graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Arts which people misunderstood as me saying “finance”. Who’da thunk a yellow person would graduate from arts when they could do finance. Left to right and vice versa hemisphere synapse fail. So, I finished school for my mom. So she would stop complaining and asking me when I was going to finish. She never understood the concept of art. Nor computers. I completely confused her. Back to story, art… yeah that which does not allow you to make a living. Somewhere in there or for a long time, I played with computers. More like used it. I don’t do hardware and I get tech support for anything mechanical or major OS fails.
Q: Shut up! Just say what you do.
A: Fine. YOU have A.D.D. I do web and I take pictures.
Q: Web? That’s a stupid wide catch all term to use. Everyone does web. That’s like saying you do nothing or you’re a big mouth who claims to do everything.
A: I know. It is. I don’t niche. I do front end design with some hacking. I do design work. I do project management. I consult about web. Oh, and I used to help run a world music festival.
Q: What does a music festival have to do with web?
A: Well, I did the internet related “things” but I also did operations for the festival. In real life project management, organizing, people stuff.
Q: I like your photos.
A: Aw. Thanks. Web, design, photos, social networking, geekness… it all kinda works and ties in together. Oh no! I used the word “social networking”. I’m going to fess up. Twitter, blip.fm, facebook, flickr… it’s all social networking. Even if blip doesn’t seem like social networking… There’s people on the internet. Online packs of people. Animals. I mean humans. Darwinism.
Q: Back up. You said you were yellow. The avatar is not you?
A: I am! I mean, I am yellow! I squint and the sun’s not even shining. Photographers tell me to open my eyes wider but they are!
Q: Focus on the question. The avatar?
A: Yellow power! Ok. So, my latent genetic ninja powers have been diluted by McDonalds and Coca Cola. Oh yeah, the #assatar. It’s Emily Haines of Metric. She got on stage with a wedgie. Fair is fair. If you’re going on stage then everything is game. Besides, she’s got some of the biggest nipple piercing tight shirt #spankster non-pr0n online photo collections. What’s a little apple bottoms? Geez, I put a black box over it.
Q: Why are you hashtagging. This isn’t twitter.
A: Ooops. Habits. I type “-imeem” in almost every form box now.
Q: Are you gay? Like, girl on girl action? Cuz you take a lot of non-pc photos.
A: No-OH. I just talk brutally honest and don’t flirt. I do take spanky pictures so I suppose they’re PC and even MAC. If you mean politically correct, I have no class, I have an #assatar. It’s a given, right?
Q: Ok, last question.
A: NO MORE questions. Geez. Stalkers read this. Can’t I have some privacy?
Note to self: Stop having these imaginary conversations with yourself…
Contact Info
Stalking me is not enough. You want me to answer? You can’t reach me on twitter, flickr, facebook or blip.fm? Email me at daemon[underscore]mailer[at]evablue[dot]com. I’m totally serious. Not my fault if you [pound sign]fail.